What Susan Said

After we watched The Big Lebowski for the first time, I told my son I wanted to be buried in a red Folgers can. As a coffee lover, I can’t envision anything more fitting. Just make sure it’s not a green decaf can. I won’t rest well.

*warning: graphic language

Now, my son thinks I’m morbid when I start talking about passing away but I have the gift of martyrdom. I kid you not. I took a spiritual gifts test at my church in 1996 and it came up with three top results:

1. Discerning of spirits
2. Missionary
3. Martyrdom

Seriously? I didn’t know what discerning of spirits was, even though I had seen it in the Bible — in Corinthians — but who wants martyrdom? Good Lort! I’m going to overseas, get killed, and I’ll know it before it happens.

Discerning of spirits

The gift of discerning of spirits is a nose in the body of Christ. It’s a nose — it detects things and tells you if something is off. It also tells you when something good is happening in the spirit — you can feel if an angel, the Holy Spirit, or maybe a positive human spirit is at work nearby. On the negative side, you can detect demonic spirits and evil human spirits at work nearby. It goes with a gift for intercession — that way, you know when praying for a situation if there is a spiritual component at work in the background that needs to be dealt with.

Martyrdom

But, back to martyrdom. What the heck? Who wants that gift? Thanks a lot, God. Really appreciate that one.

I think martyrdom is just a gift of faith that enables you to see the other side and realize that it’s all going to be worth it when you see Him face to face.

1 John “When we see Him, we will be like Him because we will see Him as He is.”

It’s all going to be worth it — all the pain, all the suffering, all the shit you’re going through right now. That’s why it doesn’t matter what kind of family you were born into or what kind of trauma you’ve had in this life. It’s all going to be worth it on the other side.

Michael

Once, several years ago, I was walking down our long hall at work. It’s a long hall, so lots of time to think going to the office. I was feeling some existential angst and wondering about these cheerful gems: What am I here for? Does anything matter? What am I doing? All I do is get up, go to work, go home, make dinner, get up and go to work, go home…

Then, I saw Michael coming towards me. A special Ed aide was pushing him in his wheelchair. He couldn’t walk, talk, feed himself, write with a pencil, or wipe his own butt. And I had the horrible thought: What’s he here for? I mean, if I feel this way and I’m physically ambulatory, how must he feel?

Then Michael smiled at me.

And I realized that every time I saw him in the hall, even though he couldn’t speak, he always smiled. The. Biggest. Smile. And it always made me feel better and just made my day.

I realized that’s Michael’s purpose. To smile at people and make the world a better place by his presence. So, that’s the only purpose any of us really needs. To be here and to love someone next to you.

Elijah

My spiritual and musical hero, Rich Mullins, wrote this song about his death. He wrote it early in his music career, I believe. So, maybe he had a gift of martyrdom also. I’ll leave you with this beautiful song and also one from another favorite singer-songwriter, David Gray. I regret never seeing Rich in concert but I am going to see David Gray soon. So, there’s that. Thank you, Jesus, for everything. And thank you, brother Rich. I’ll see you on the other side, my friend.